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Tuesday September 03, 2002

Death is dead

Hmmm, I just had an interesting AIM conversation with a friend of mine about death. Like a lot of people (and I do mean a lot), she is afraid of it. Millions of Americans are. Just witness the poll numbers on CNN with yay-high percentages of people who are terrified of terrorist attacks (which we all know will happen again eventually). People are afraid. But why? Is it because they're not sure of what's looming around the corner? Are they afraid that there isn't a corner around which something would otherwise be looming? Are they afraid that it really will be payback time? I don't know. But this is something that intrigues me --I really don't understand it, because I don't have that fear. And I don't want anyone else to have that fear, because fear is no fun. But why be afraid to die?

The way I see it, death is part of the life cycle. A couple of decades ago I was born. Right now I'm in the process of living my life (albeit pathetically). And eventually I'll die. Heck, maybe tomorrow I'll die. But these are not uncharted waters I'll be sailing. And maybe it's the illogical, weak-minded, childish, nonsensical, (other adjectives I'm missing?) believer in me that eases my mind, but I'm honestly not afraid to die. Not anymore.

I was riased Catholic, and when I was younger, purgatory scared the hell out of me. I mean, if even good people go there, how long will bratty little kids have to hang out in this torturous purification? How many skipped masses (I reall was feeling sick, honest!) will eventually come back to bite me in the ass? I was worried, because I knew that I had not filled my good deed quota. And the Marian apparitions my mom was (is) obsessed with always seemed to speak incessantly of the unspeakable terror of H-E-L-L. It's hot. Even knowing that my parents had me baptized as a baby did not alleviate the worries that had crept into the dusty corners of my mind. Wow I should write that down. Okay, so I was worried, because I though God was going to smack me around for being a brat. But He really wasn't kidding when He said that the truth would set you free. And it freed me from being afraid of something that has no hold on me.

Death should not be feared, because the cycle doesn't stop there. I'm not kidding. So, if I die tomorrow, it's nothing but a step up for me. And then what? My sister can have all my cd's, my roomie can have this whole place to herself, and Shaine can have this stupid domain name if he wants it. Life --> Death --> Life. That's it.