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Tuesday February 11, 2003

The ungrateful bastard I am

I don't know why it is that some days I have only the most mundane things on my mind, and other days I'm obsessed with thoughts about the meaning of life (and other such things). Yesterday, someone else's tragedy and sorrow made me re-examine faith and life, and today I can only think of how annoying it is that I've been sick for a week now. What is wrong with me?

I've become a brat these last few days (yeah, I know I was bratty before, but I've graduated to new heights of brattiness this week) because all I think about is my sore throught, my poor little nose, and the fact that I have trouble breathing when I go to sleep at night. Sleeping has become a problem... I wish I could bring my astronomy teacher back here to lecture me to sleep. That would be great.

But to counter my irrelevent concerns, my "big" thought of the day is about the death-fest my country is about to inaugurate across the pond. I can not begin to express how much I hate this --the fact that innocent people are about to die and there's nothing I can do about it (as a pacifist my opinion doesn't really count). It is frustrating, scary, and discouraging. Sorrow already.

Tonight --right now-- are people who are working, sleeping, worrying, just like me. And they're probably taking care of their kids, or looking for work, or wondering about the future. They are no different than my neighbors, my parents, myself. But for them these are the last days, and although they are scared that this war might kill them, they still think it won't be them. And then the bomb hits.

Why, in order to be a freedom-loving patriotic person, do I have to cheer this on? For the people over yonder, this is their post-911, where they know that at any moment something can fall from the sky and end their world. But why does these people, who right now are breathing, thinking, and being human (just like any of us) have to die, and why are their lives so worthless in our eyes? I want to know why. Will I ever get that answer?