Thursday December 29, 2005

Note to everyone: I'm single. Get over it.

One of the things that frustrates me most about the holidays is spending time with friends of my parents. When we get together, they start with the usual line of questioning first (So, have you graduated yet? Where are you working?) before they drop inquiries into my relationship status. Which is fine, actually, because I'm single and enjoy not being attached right now. But what bothers me is the inevitable reassurance that even though I'm a big freak to them, it's okay because I'm young and still have time to get married. What?!

I don't understand why they feel the need to console me like that. I'm sure the intentions are nice, but it's really a big slap in the face. It's like telling me that there's something wrong with me, but it's okay because there's still time to fix the problem. Never mind that I don't want a husband right now, and am pretty okay with the idea of being single for a long time. Maybe even for life.

I hate that people devalue me that way, even to my face. I hate that I'm perceived as defective because I don't obsessively chase down every single man I meet or spend my days fantasizing about a Cinderella wedding. And more so than that, I hate that the way I feel isn't taken seriously by anyone.

Look, marriage is a wonderful thing. My brother is happily married, and it's the coolest thing in the world. And who knows, someday I might meet a guy that appreciates my quirkiness. Then maybe I'll get married, and it'll be great. But I'm not haunted by my singleness the way other women are. This may come as a shock to my parents' friends, but the truth is that I don't need a ring to be a normal, valuable, whole person.

Last night I had dinner with some friends of my parents, and of course one of them shot me "the question." And I responded honestly and respectfully. Then this woman proceeded to tell me that it's okay, because I'm still young, but I better not wait much longer. She never asked me if marriage was a priority for me; she just assumed that it was because in her mind, it ought to be.

I won't even get into the embarrassing anecdotes my mom offered at that point. Because even without them, I felt so devalued. I wanted so badly to remind her that I'm a smart and talented person, and that I deserve better than to have her look down on me like that. But I didn't say anything... I just nodded along and waited for the right moment to get the hell out of there. Forget holiday cheer; I will not put myself in that situation again.