April 29, 2003

Candyland, just what I needed.

I just got back from the lounge, where my dorm threw a chocolate party. Yep, seriously, wall to wall chocolate. Cake, cookies, cupcakes and brownies... all for us, to help us get through these last two weeks. I'm sitting here eating a big fat chocolate chip cookie that I know I shouldn't have, here come another ten pounds. And I was even starting a diet... MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH That's not going to happen.

A few days ago I got Bebo Norman's last CD. I'm not much into the contemporary fair; give me MxPx any day. But I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. I love Back To Me, Where the Trees Stand Still, and So Afraid. I've been listening to it non-stop.

I am so afraid that I'll find myself alone
Looking for a savior, looking for a home
I am so afraid that I'll find myself alone
Deep into the ages, deep into the fold

My Methods and Sensation & Perception papers are done! Woohoo! Now all I have is my Methods presentation and poster session, and my History & Systems group presentation. And a few finals. Yay!

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Still writing my research papers.

Read the title.

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April 27, 2003

Dorm room beach ball and techno

Even though I have 376,981 research papers due this week, Stephanie and I stayed up late last night to play some dorm room beach ball to the sounds of Sarina Paris and Fatboy Slim. I kept looking at the clock thinking, hmmm, I should probably start working now. Fifteen more minutes, and at midnight I'll seriously get busy. Fifteen minutes came and went, and still we played on. I went to bed at 3 am and slept until 11:30, and now I'm watching House Party. Yeah, I know, procrastinating again.

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April 25, 2003

A thing of beauty, yes it is...

You know you want to see the fabulous magic dancing tampon... My professor is surely going to love this.

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Since when do we live in China?

First off, I have to say that I've never been a fan of the Dixie Chicks. I don't really like any kind of country music, even the pop kind. But right now I'm finding myself coming to their defense over the remarks they made and the controversy that it sparked.

Everyone in this country has the right to have any opinion that suits them, even when it comes to our government. When the bombs started falling in Iraq, the Chicks made some comments during a concert that expressed their disagreement with the war and with the President who ordered it.

Following this, the Dixie Chicks were banned from radio stations, labelled everything from Dixie Sluts to Saddam's Angels, and even threatened with death. And this happened not just to the Dixie Chicks. Members of congress attempted to remove a college professor from his position because he did not support the war.

Let me ask this question: when the government takes a certain action, are we as citizens obligated to give vocal support and stifle our own objections? Should people be removed from their jobs for not supporting the President's actions? Does it make one a bad citizen for following our consciences?

Do we live in China?

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April 24, 2003

How I love the randomness of life

I just handed in my resume letter to the chair of the psych department. I'm applying for a year-long position as the director of the psych lab, and I have no idea if I'll get the job. I want it.

Why doesmy web site come up when you search Google for crappy websites? Hey my web site isn't (that) crappy, okay.

I have 7 more days of classes, and a couple days of finals. I'm moving out of my dorm, going back home, and taking a summer class in life drawing (yep, real live naked people). I'm excited about doing some more art over summer.

My roommate is throwing peanuts at me right now (though I did start it... she deserved it, seriously).

For my presentation on the history of pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder, I made a really lovely PowerPoint presentation. It's not yet finished, but it will be by Monday. I'm still patting myself on the back for creating a dancing tampon graphic.

Yesterday in astronomy we did a sky observation in which our professor pointed out some stars and planets in the sky. All I could think was, we are but a speck of dust in the universe, and yet God thought us important enough to actually die for. Whoa.

Ouch. That last peanut bounced off of my head.

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April 22, 2003

Another night, another paper.

As usual, I'm avoiding writing a paper that is soon due (tomorrow at 6:15 pm). Too many things on my mind. I'm graduating. The world is (still) falling apart. The divine silence I'm experiencing is deafening. Too many things, too many things... And I'm really feeling it now.

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Oh, the cracked-up dreams I have...

At 3:45 this morning, I woke up from my sleep, looked at my alarm clock, and though to myself, No, this isn't possible, she couldn't have. For about five minutes I wrestled the idea that my roommate, Stephanie Lynn, had committed a double homicide. No joke.

I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't awake. I was in this weird in-between state where I couldn't decide what was real and what was not. I had no clue what was going on.

In my dream, Stephanie was confronted by someone who had discovered something about her past. Quickly reacting to the confrontation, she grabbed a folding chair and pummeled them over the head, killing them instantly. "I had to kill them, I didn't have a choice," she insisted, in disturbingly calm manner.

After committing the crime she took the body to a state fair, where she lit it aflame in a back tent, then buried it in a vacant lot behind the fair. My roommate, a murderer.

Now that I'm fully awake and (at least partially) coherent, I know that this was a dream and Stephanie would never do such a thing (unless she was pissed off, or something), but I'm still utterly disturbed. She killed someone, charred and dumped the body, and I aided and abetted the whole thing. Seriously, I think I've been watching too many episodes of the FBI Files.

Other news: my hostees decided to show me up and put together a bunch of new layouts. I think they're pretty darn cool. Visit: 1 2 3 4 5 6

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April 20, 2003

Columbine High School Anniversary

I don't know if the news people still mention the significance of this day. It's been quite a while (four years to be exact) since the Columbine shooting happened, and considering the state of the world today, perhaps they have other things to talk about. But this day is very important to me, so I will talk about it.

I remember coming home from school and seeing video of high school kids running from their school building, passing blood-stained sections of pavement on their way to safety. At that time all I though was, Here we go again, another day, another shooting. It troubled and saddened me, but no more than any other news story. As time passed, though, I began to learn more and more about the people killed at the school, and my life became more preoccupied with the events of that day.

The first person I learned about was Cassie Bernall. The media hyped up her story as a modern-day martyr who was shot for saying that she believed in God. I don't know if that actually happened. Honestly, I don't care... because the story of her life is much more important than the story of her last minutes.

Cassie was a girl whose turbulent adolescence was filled with anger, hatred, resentment, and violence. She hated just about everyone and everything, and could have very well shot up a high school herself. But after starting high school, she found a friend who gave her a reason to let all of that anger go. His name was God.

Rachel Joy Scott was another Columbine victim. She was a believer her whole life. But unlike some of the other Christians around her, the faith she had was one built upon forgiveness, love, and service; not power, control, or vengeance. She dreamed about starting a chain reaction of kindness that would touch people all around the world, which is exactly what happened after she was killed on April 20th. This is one of her scribbles:

About 11 months before she was killed, she wrote in her journal: This will be my last year, Lord. Thank you, I have gotten what I can. She knew what would be demanded of her, and she was still thankful for her life.

There were 13 other people who died that day, all of them with families and friends that miss them right now. But it's these two girls whose stories ignited my soul to start looking for the God they believed in. I didn't find him in religion, nor did I find him in church. I found him in the testimony of these teenagers who were gunned down at their high school, after they had both found a faith worth dying for.

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April 18, 2003

Why do things like this happen?

According to the news websites, the body of Laci Peterson (the missing woman from Ca) was identified. I had been praying she would be found alive, like just about everyone else out there. I just... feel such sorrow for her & her family. I can't imagine what they're feeling.

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April 17, 2003

The meaning of this Easter weekend

When I was a little kid, Easter (to me) meant having to get up at the crack of dawn to get ready for the super-long Easter mass at my parent's church. Easter was synonymous with being uncomfortable, as my mom had always chosen the stuffiest Easter outfits for us kids to wear. In my family, we always had to dress up for church on Sunday, but Easter was the big one we had to loog good for. If it wasn't stuffy, it wasn't suitable, period.

Easter wasn't all bad, though. I loved coloring eggs and getting chocolate bunnies from my grandmother. The blessed eggs and ham didn't make for a bad meal, either. Parts of the day were actually a lot of fun. I just hated having to sit through a 75-minute mass in white patent leather shoes. Really, it was the uniform that killed me.

I remember asking my mom on several occasions why wearing a crisp, new Easter uniform was so important. After all, I thought, why does God care what we wear to church? Isn't it enough that we go? The wagging finger I got didn't really answer my question. According to my mom, it was an insult to God not to don the white Easter outfit. We had to look our best for him, because it was unthinkable to do so otherwise. And besides, what would everyone else think if we showed up to church wearing something other than white patent leather shoes?

This question actually made my mom angry. I remember her face getting pretty darn red as she said all this. Needless to say, I missed the point of the Easter uniform, the Easter ritual, the evil of missing mass, all that jazz. But now, as an adult, I can say that... I still don't understand it. Any of it.

When I look at what Easter means to me today, I don't see a mandatory church day with required uniform. Honestly, this year I didn't even think about the outfit, and I'm not sure yet if I'm even going to a Sunday service (If I go, I'll have to go alone, since my family belongs to a different church than I do). Today my perspective has flip-flopped, from a day of church to a day of faith.

Even though it's important to remember Christ's sacrifice every day of the year, it's Easter-time that makes this the focus of one's attention. For me, it reminds me of who I am, who He is, and why His work on earth was so important. It reminds me that God gave me a way to be with him even though I have done nothing to deserve it, nor could I possible do anything to deserve it.

This day serves as a remembrance of the gift of himself, when he died to save people from themselves... from the mess they've made of their lives, myself included. It reminds me (and astonishes me) that His one sacrifice was enough to wash away my lifetime of mistakes, something I could never have done on my own. It reminds me that I can try to look good, clean, white, and proper, but it's His blood (not my clothes) that will ever impress God.

For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God sent the Son into the world, not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him. John 3: 16-17.

For there is no distinction; since all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, they are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus. Romans 3: 23-24.

And by that will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all. And every priest stands daily at his service, offering repeatedly the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, then to wait until his enemies should be made a stool for his feet. For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are sanctified. Hebrews 10: 10-14.

I'm not buying white patent leather shoes. Maybe those things are just for people who have the patience to wear them. Those folks are much better than I am. But this time around, Easter will be meaninful for me, because my focus will be on the One that gives it meaning. And patent leather shoes or no patent leather shoes, that is really the only thing that matters. Happy Easter everyone.

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April 16, 2003

Hey, look at me I'm famous!

Yeah, no... not really. But my drawing is on the Baldwin-Wallace College art department's news page, if that counts for something. That's the office manager of the art department checking out my Mr. Potato Head. I'm pumped.

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April 15, 2003

A new member of the sonafide fam

I've got senioritis. That's right, senioritis. I don't wanna work, go to class, do research, write papers, take exams, or even get up before 10 am.

But I have to. Another day, another presentation, another test, another due date. Such is life. Work. Stress. School. I can't wait to graduate.

Everyone welcome, Christy, sonafide.com's new (and very talented) hostee :)

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April 13, 2003

Another year, another candle...

In 29 minutes, it wil be my birthday. I'll be spending the day working with rats and sitting outside a gallery entrance making sure people don't walk off with any artwork. More fun than a late-night slumber party!

Seriously, even though I have to work on my birthday, I'm excited about the fact that I'm another year older and I'm still alive and kicking. Since my last birthday, I've been through a lot (losing two people I love, getting my brain fried on research papers) but I've made it.

From Jaclyn:

From Aimee:

From Ante:

Hepi Brzdei Tu Ju,
Hepi Brzdei Tu Ju,
Hepi Brzdei Dir Drina......
Hepi Brzdei Tu Ju!

Hepi Brzdei Drina.,
Love, Bro

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April 12, 2003

And I thought I wasn't going to win anything...

Tonight was the reception for the student art show, in which I had one piece on display. Last year I had won first place for a drawing I submitted (which came along with a $250 check!) but this year I didn't expect to win a darn thing. My drawing was placed all the way on the back wall... way out in the boonies of the gallery. So when an art professor called out my name as the winner of an honorable mention award, I was sincerely surprised. I got a $50 check (and a possible sale), and my whole family was there to witness it. My parents, grandmother, brother, sister, sister-in-law, roommate, a lot of my friends... it was so cool.

Afterward my family took me to Olive Garden for my birthday dinner (though my actual birthday isn't until Monday). Yes, the waiters sang to me (embarassing). My family pulls this trick every year, and they get a kick out of seeing my red face each and every time. I just got back into my room a little bit ago, and my roomie and I are going to watch the Little Mermaid just for kicks (and because we're losers). Today was a good day.

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April 11, 2003

Look at me Mom, I'm smart :)

I just got back from the Dayton C. Miller Honors Award Ceremony for the school nerds. My special guests were my parents, who almost fell asleep during the student classical music performance at dinner. In spite of my dad's obvious boredom (he checked his watch every 15 minutes) they kept saying how proud they were of me.

We got these nifty awards, which we each accepted on stage. The speakers also talked about each one of us (Drina is a psychology major, who plans to go to graduate school, blah blah blah). It was a lot of fun. It's nice to be recognized for your geekiness.

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April 10, 2003

Freaking out at the crossroads.

Shocking news: I should be writing a paper, but I'm not (yeah, like that's never happened before). I was on a friend's site reading about her where do I go anxiety, and it got me thinking again (very dangerous). Instead of working, I'm ruminating over my post-graduation options, and wondering once again where the heck my life is supposed to go.

Anyone that knows me personally could probably write volumes about my indecisiveness. I know that I can only have one thing, or travel down one path, but I stand at the fork in the road unable to move. This way? That way? Which way am I supposed to be going?

My dilemma involves my two favorite subjects at school: art and psychology. Right now I'm ready to graduate from college with a B.S. in Psychology, and a minor in Studio Art. I'll probably be off to graduate school in a year or so, where I'll be earning my doctorate in social psych while frying my brains with more research papers. This is where my life is headed.

But right now I'm wondering whether this is what I want. I mean, what I truly want. I love psychology, and I know I can get my PhD, but I worry about having to let go of all the crappy art I make. Making crappy art brings me happiness, and I know that getting a PhD will require me to squeeze this out of my life.

I don't want that to happen.

So what do I do? Tell me. I want advice, because I'm an idiot and I can't make that decision on my own. God has thus far been silent on the issue, and for the life of me I can't figure out why. Everyone else thinks I'm crazy for even worrying about it. What do I do?

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April 09, 2003

Come see me in the student art show...

Do you like free food? Got no plans for this coming Saturday night? Live in North East Ohio? Well kids, I've got some great news for you. The Art & Art History departments of Baldwin-Wallace College (my future alma mater) are proud to present the 2003 Annual Student Art Exhibit! This Saturday evening, between 6:00 and 8:00 pm, come meet the artists whose pieces are currently on display (including myself). I'll be there showing off my one piece (yeah, only one... I know) which is hanging up in the gallery right now.

If you can't make it to the reception this Saturday, you can also stop into the gallery during the week from 2:00 to 6:00 pm if you're in the Berea area. Come see all the student artwork!

Fawick Art Gallery
Kleist Center for Art & Drama
95 East Bagley Rd.
Berea, OH 44017

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April 07, 2003

Stressful times call for encouraging words

With only a few weeks left until graduation, I've kinda been stressing lately. Too many papers to write, too many exams to study for... on top of this I have no job lined up, and taking GRE exams are only a few weeks away. This hasn't exactly been the greatest time I've ever had. I need a breather. Thankfully I've been given some encouraging words:

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-34

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April 06, 2003

Bad karma on the Sabbath

I don't believe in karma. Really. Back in high school I was really into the new-age mystical multi-religious eastern stuff, but that faded from my life about two years ago. So karma hasn't really been part of my vocabulary for quite some time now. But after the day I've had, I'm going to (temporarily, at least) reclaim that word, because I'm at a loss to describe what the heck went wrong today.

It started off this morning when I made an early stop to the art supply store. I decided that I need to re-mat my drawing (which is currently in the student show) since I did a horrible job last week. All I needed was a mat cutter and some mat board. When I got there, I read a sign on the door that said it wasn't opening until 11:00, so I drove back to my room.

When I got home my roomie told me my best friend had called, asking why I didn't make it to her birthday party the night before. The truth is that I didn't want to drive across town to watch a bunch of people drink themselves into a daze. Been there, done that, and I'm not into that anymore. But I didn't know what to say to her, because I really should have been there for her birthday.

We spoke for a half-hour, until I realized that daylight savings time was in effect, and my clocks were an hour behind. It wasn't 10:30, it was 11:30. I high-tailed it back to the art store, bought my stuff, and made it back in time to be late for work. I was about 5 minutes late to the lab, where I spent a frustrating hour and a half trying to get our rats to behave (they didn't).

After that I went back to my room to cut the mats, one of which I screwed up on (thank you Lord for reminding me to get extras). After finishing the mats I went to the gallery to get my drawing. I unscrewed the frame and slid the new mat in place, only then realizing that my 24 x 34 inch glass was broken into three pieces. After swearing a few times in Croatian (I've been trying to cut back), I threw the broken glass in the dumpster and high-tailed it back to the art store to buy more glass. I have no money left.

Back in the art gallery I was replacing the glass when it slid through my hands and cut my left palm from pinkie to thumb. It bled pretty badly, so my friend got me some antiseptic wipes (which stung like mad). After bandaging my hand I finished screwing the frame back together and left. For the next 40 minutes I sat at Friendly's whining to my roomie (over ice cream) about the day I've had. (Un)fortunately, she also had a rough day (bad Saturday night date experience) so she was able to empathize.

I still don't believe in karma, but all I can say is that this day has been un-blessed with nothing but bad things. And I missed the one thing that always helps me to calm down and put my life in perspective. My head hurts, my hand stings, and I'm ready for bed right now. Goodbye you vile Sunday.

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April 05, 2003

The Inspiring Brunching Shuttlecocks

Since I'm too tired, moody, lazy, etc. to blog at the moment, I'm letting the Brunching Shuttlecocks Apathetic Online Journal Entry Generator blog for me. It's a fantabulous invention for those of us who are too apathetic to blog about our apathy. If only I had known about this years ago, I wouldn't have wasted my time atually thinking of original things to write. Here's what I (they) have to say:

I haven't gotten anything done today, but I guess it doesn't bother me. I don't care. Today was a total loss. Shrug. Whatever. I've pretty much been doing nothing worth mentioning. Current Mood: spiritless

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April 04, 2003

It's that Friday Fivin' time again

1. How many places have you lived in throughout your life?
I've lived in one house my entire life, and two dorm rooms. I've never had the moving experience, other than hauling my crap to school for nine months.

2. Which was your favorite and why?
My dorm room this year. It's a huge double (well, not really huge, but it's bigger than the broom closet I lived in last year). I love living at school.

3. Do you find moving house more exciting or stressful? Why?
Definitely more stressful than dorm life. At school, I don't have to buy toilet paper, clean the kitchen, mow the lawn, or any of that kind of business. Did I mention I love living at school?

4.What's more important, location or price?
Both. What does location matter if you're going to be broke for the rest of your life?

5. What features does your dream house have?
My dream house is actually a dream apartment, because I don't really care for a house. But a quiet little reading nook and a window-filled studio room would be great :)

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April 03, 2003

Batting .500 in the student art shindig

My oil painting, High Noon, sadly didn't make it into the student art show, but my drawing of Mr. Potato Head (tentatively titled Playing Dissociative Fugue -yeah I'm a psych nerd) got in. I've actually had a price inquiry already, though I'm not sure if it's really serious yet. I have NO idea how much I should sell that thing for. Clueless, completely clueless... I am. It's a crappily-matted 20x30 drawing on illustration board... any ideas?

Today I'm finishing my Research Methods experiment. Only four people have signed up for it so far, but I'm not going to cancel. Participants are hard to come by these days. I'm just so glad it's almost done.

Today's quote: And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High; for you will go before the Lord to prepare his ways, to give knowledge of salvation to his people in the forgiveness of their sins, through the tender mercy of our God, when the day shall dawn upon us from on high to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace. Luke 1:76-79.

And he is guiding our feet into the way of peace...

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April 02, 2003

Yeah, this art show thing again...

At about 2:30 this afternoon I finished the drawing that I've been feverishly working on (I use that word a lot... feverishly) for the last five days. It's not great, but it's not bad either, considering it was another one of my last-minute attempts at art-making. And I'm hoping I don't get that call from the art department telling me it didn't make it into the show... otherwise this was all for nothing.

I'm sick, sleep-deprived, and generally feeling miserable, but hey, I finished that thing with two hours to spare. It's matted (albeit poorly), framed (cheaply), and ready to hang (let's pray it doesn't fall apart). I dropped it off in the gallery a little while ago, and have already gotten a few positive comments.

I'm going to skip astronomy tonight, just because my body is revolting against me. One organ gets sick, and the others get jealous, so they get sick too. Hopefully, I will soon be blissfully unconscious on the comfy black futon behind me. I've missed 20 hours of sleep in the last six days. I really need it.

A fabulous new layout by a fabulous hostee: Jaclyn

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United States, Ohio, Cleveland, English, Croatian, Drina, Female, 21-25, painting, psychology.

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